Forgiveness

To forgive means to grant pardon for an offense or a debt. It could also mean to cease feeling resentment against something or someone. It should never be confused with the word forget. A lot of people do. The saying "Forgive and Forget" is not really accurate. One can forgive but can they truly forget? Probably not especially if it was something really traumatic for the offended party. One should never forget. Forgetting opens up for the same situation to happen again. This would turn into a vicious cycle.

Forgiveness is a gift one doesn't give to anyone but to oneself. It is not an emotion but a choice. Dwelling on an issue causes resentment and resentment begets hate. Having all these negative emotions is not healthy for anyone especially to oneself. One goes down the road of loathing and becomes counter-productive.

By forgiving, one makes the conscious decision of letting go of the resentment, hate and all the other negative emotions in oneself. The offending situation or person may not deserve it but as discussed, it is a gift one give to oneself. So for those who are in this situation, one may want to think about this. The heaviness one feels being lifted off one's chest is worth it. Or just the peace of mind that follows.

Remember.. to err is human, to forgive divine.

To forget is just plain foolish.

Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk being called sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement.

To expose your feelings is to risk showing your true self.

To place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk despair, and to try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live. Chained by his certitudes, he's a slave, he's forfeited his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free."

- Leo Buscaglia


I found this while trolling the web and thought I'd share this with everyone who stumbles in my little space in the net.

The Serenity Prayer

"God... Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference."

That's how the prayer goes and a lot of variations has been added to it as time goes by. Some of the variations were made to sound funny just to take the seriousness of the prayer but if you read through the verse, the whole thing really is very potent. The prayer is about surrendering to a higher power that life can be overwhelming, asking for help when everything seems lost and knowing when to ask for what.

I know I must have read this prayer a million times but I still feel in awe whenever I do. It humbles me each time I come across this prayer. It makes me realize just how vulnerable I am and that I am only human - prone to errors just like the rest of humanity. And with this knowledge, I understood the trials and pain I encounter as I go on living. That they exist to remind me that I am just like everyone else - a child of the universe.

And so with that, I want to add my variation to this prayer...

"To live one day at a time... To enjoy one moment at a time..
To accept hardships as part of the way to peace and happiness..
To trust that I may be reasonably happy in this life and the next.."

Hope

Hope is a belief that a positive outcome will come out of a situation or a circumstance. The situation can be an ordinary day to day event or it could be something major. Most often than not, people hope. Or rather people have hope. It's the saving grace that keeps people moving forward to certain circumstances in their lives no matter how traumatic or painful it may seem.

When a person say its hopeless, there is a sign of surrender on their part. But the fact that they still move about in their lives mean that there's a glimmer of hope somewhere deep in their hearts. They won't admit it and may even fail to recognize it, but it is there. It needs a little coaxing to come out and be fully recognized. As long as one breathes, there is hope. No matter what the circumstance is.

Living is hoping.

Love Island

I was trolling the web the last couple of nights and saw this nice writeup which I'd like to share to everyone. The author of course is unknown but nevertheless, the message hits home.

Love Island
============

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; happiness, sadness, knowledge, and all the others, including love.

One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave.

Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the last possible moment.

When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, " I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere."

Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."

Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now."

Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, " Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him.

Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder.

Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name.

When they arrived on land the elder went on his way.Love realized how much she owed the elder.

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?"

"It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked.

Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Author Unknown

Smile

I was feeling a bit depressed today. I dragged myself through the day and thought I could never make it through. But I did and it’s amazing when I recall someone telling me that feeling anxious and being at your lowest point doesn’t kill you. It’s how you react to those emotions that might.

And I thank that person. Gives me hope to think that I made it through one more day and another one is fast coming. Hopefully it would be a lot better. No, I wish it would be a lot better. I hate having have to feel this way and I try my hardest to come out of it but it’s just one of those roller coaster emotions. One time you’ll be okay, the next you’d be feeling like you’re in the dumps.

I visited a website I stumbled upon a couple of nights ago. Beliefnet.com. It has a lot of things that could help anyone having questions on life, faith, health and other things. What drew me was that there was a link to “uplifting quotes for a depressed heart”. Since I’m already down there, I clicked on the link and read through it emotionless until I came upon this passage: “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. – by Thich Nhat Hanh”.

Reading that line brought a smile to my face. The first one I had today and brought a tear or two to my eyes. The quote hit a nerve in me and somehow I felt like I knew it would be okay somehow. Not now, maybe not tomorrow, but I know it will be okay.

So for now, I’ll smile though my heart is aching.

I Hurt Myself Today

That's actually an overstatement. It's more like I ache all over. Maybe it's because the lack of sleep. I know my dreams are missing me but I just can't help it. I have a hard time going to sleep at nights so I would lay there in bed waiting for the sandman to come in and sprinkle me with his dust. Add to that the fact that on times I want to sleep, I would get paged by the office to help out on some of those pesky issues that just pops out of nowhere.

The nice thing though is that the weekend is but a day away. I know one day of rest won't really help in the recuperation process but it's something that I look forward to. Maybe if I'm lucky today I may be able to go to dreamland quickly. Otherwise, I can go back to counting sheep again. Whoever thought of that must have a lot of time in their hands.

I tried counting sheep but after the tenth sheep, I'm thinking of other things to pass the time away. It's an attention deficit disorder. I talked about that once in here too. I think everyone just suffers from it no matter what one might think. It's a proven fact.

Now, where was I on that sheep?

Trigger Finger

No, I'm not talking about guns at all. Rather, I'm talking about a health condition. A trigger finger is a common problem that causes pain and catching. Tendons that help bend the fingers and thumb slide through a snug tunnel. The opening of this tunnel could get smaller due to irritations as the tendons slips into the tunnel or the tendons could thicken making it difficult to pass through the tunnel. When one tries to straighten the finger, the tendon becomes momentarily stuck at the mouth of the tunnel and then pops as the tendons slips past the tight areas. This can cause pain and catching as you try to move the affected finger.

Symptoms usually start without an injury but is very common among people between the ages of 40 to 60 years old and to those people who have certain medical conditions such as diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. One or more fingers could be involved at any given time. If the symptoms are mild, simply resting the affected finger may be enough. Using a splint would be helpful plus over the counter medication like Tylenol can ease the pain. However, the improvements are usually very temporary.

Another option is to have a steroid injection administered by your doctor to the affected finger. Depending on he severity of the problem, a couple of injections may be required. Since this isn't really a serious condition, a third option can also be considered and that is surgery. Usually, this is done as an outpatient procedure. The third option is highly recommended for severe cases like when the finger is stuck in a bent position in order to prevent permanent stiffness.

I would have loved to talk about guns but I'm more concern about health.

An Apple A Day...

It's suppose to keep the doctors away. It must be true since that's what I've been doing for some time now and have yet to visit a doctor outside of my normal checkup schedule. I have it for my midday snack as well as a dessert for my lunch. After that, I'm not sure if I can look at another apple again.

There are many varities of apple and I normally pick the Washington or just the big red apples. Occasionally, I'd enjoy a green tart one and I have to stress on the word occasionally. I guess that would have to be an individual preference.

Granny Smith's are great for baking. It can be an apple struddle, a apple cake or just a plain apple pie. Mine would have to be an apple pie. I'd take a slice of that and topit with a scoop of vanilla ice cream with a little chocolate frosting. All these talk is making me hungry.

I haven't been to an apple orchard before. I think I'm going to put that in my list of things to do before I die. Not that I'm going to eat some over there. Well, maybe a couple. And probably get a 5 lb bag while in there too for my supply.

Apples also make great target shooting targets.

Lean on Me

I was on the car yesterday listening to one of my favorite stations and "Lean On Me" was playing. For some reason, it just hit me that this song carries a lot of weight. And I'm not sure if the younger generation ever had the chance to listen to this. The beat itself is nice but the lyrics has much substance in it. Below is the lyrics which I hope people would get around to reading.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Laughter, The Best Medicine

Okay.. so I ripped that title off Reader's Digest. But a lot of people does think that laughter is the best medicine. I'm sure there's a study somewhere that somehow proves this statement to be true but for now, I'll take it at face value. Just because that's what I do at this point when so much stress surrounds me.

I don't break easily. Maybe I'm just patronizing myself but I do have a track record of being able to continue on even when things just look so bleak. That's because I try to find the funny aspect in things or situations and laught it off. Laughter can hold stress off for some time but is enough to let me look at things from another perspective.

If all else fails, I look at myself and laugh. Not because I look funny but I remind myself of certain jokes. Okay.. maybe I do look funny. But you have to hand it to me that I can make people laugh by just letting them see me. Now that my friends is pure talent. And looks.

If you can't make fun of yourself today, you wont have anything to look back at and laugh.

Pressure

I used to work for a software development company. My old boss then has always referred to me as one of the coolers. A cooler is someone who gets thrown to irate customers to try to pacify them and hopefully get them to continue dealing with the company. We always call this the pressure cooker just because of the volatility of the situation.

I used to not get it. I've been known to lose my cool on personal situations but I've always maintained professionalism on company situations. It felt horrible knowing I was maintaining two standards on dealing with these issues. At least I have made the change to handle things the same way.

Now, I am more subtle though I still do have my episodes every now and then. And I don't have to deal with a pressure cooker situation anymore. I still get thrown on sensitive projects though and I wouldn't want it any other way.

What can I say.. I thrive under pressure. Besides, I always tell my boss that pressure means nothing to me.

He gives me pressure, I give him nothing.

A Cup Of Joe

I'm a coffee drinker. Not that there's anything wrong with it. I share the same addiction with almost 3/4 of the world's population. And I have switched to the unleaded version just because the other one has caused me some jitters.

It wasn't obvious at first. But then I noticed I was getting antsy a lot and not being able to concentrate on my things to do. So I sat down and began some analysis. What was going on? And I saw one thing that was constant. It was my coffee. I've been drinking at least 10 cups a day of pure leaded evil. So I stopped. I switched to drinking 10 cups of the lesser known gaining popularity unleaded evil.

And it worked too. I don't get as jittery anymore and I got my stuff done. No complaints there. Though every now and then, I would take a cup of the leaded one. Just as a reminder that at one time I was addicted to it.

I wonder what other things I can get away with.

Needles

Plain and simple, I hate needles. I can't stand looking at them without feeling nervous and cringing just being close to one. I think it's because I know these things can hurt. I should know. I'm a regular at the hospital's laboratory for my quarterly blood checkup.

I went there this morning for my regular checkup. I came in 5 minutes before 7:00 am and I have fasted since 7:00 pm the night before. That meant nothing passed between my lips for almost 12 hours now. I'm a bit thirsty and hungry. The receptionist finally called my name around 7:35 and told me that my name was not on the list for those scheduled on that day.

Now this caused me some dilemma. For one, I fasted and am getting hungry and I really wanted to get something to eat. But I also have to be back by Friday for the actual doctor's visit to interpret the results. So after she informed me that I can wait for the scheduling nurse who was due to arrive by 8:00 am to accomodate my request, I decided to wait against my better judgement.

8:15 came and went and still no sign of the nurse and since I've already informed the office that I would be in a bit late, I continued to wait. I was getting really POed and it showed. I was snapping at the receptionist for not giving me some alternatives considering I've been starving for the last couple of hours. And to top that, I was anxiously waiting to get poked by a needle.

The nurse finally came in at 9:00 which was way past the expected time. I did let her know how this whole experience sucked. Hopefully she won't make the same mistake next time.

Maybe my doctor will reschedule my checkups into bi-annual events.

Of Vegetables and Meat

I worked in a government institution in Singapore way back 1995. The people in my team were Indians and Malays and are practically hands off to pork. Having lunch with these people means having the option of eating either a vegan cuisine or a chicken dish. Since I was with them, we always end up going somewhere where there's meat.

One day, they thought I should try doing their diet since they haven't seen me eat a pure vegetarian meal. I agreed and they ordered a bunch of food from a vegan restaurant to be delivered to our floor for lunch. Lunch time came and they had all these vegan food in front of me.. mostly with yogurt and some stuff that I can't even pronounced.

They were so proud of themselves as I sat among them. They pointed at each dish and described to me what's in it and I would nod my head and ask what's in the next dish. Finally, I settled on something which looks a lot less scary. Okay, I'm exaggerating. I did pick on a dish which I thought would somehow be palatable for me.

I was wrong. That was the worst 10 minutes of my life. All of them were gorging on these dishes which I honestly think looks absolutely fabulous. I'm sure they were tasty too. But not for me. I went down to the cafeteria and got myself some lemon chicken to go and brought it up to our floor so I can eat with them. They laughed and so did I.

I'll never do something like that again. I didn't fight my way on top of the food chain just to eat grass.

Growing Old

I went out to dinner the other day and I saw a sight that showed me an example of human frailty, loving affection, deep care and friendship. Something that's a rarity nowadays. But it was something that brought a lump to my throat as I witness it unfolding right in front on my eyes.

I was sitting there having gotten my plate and was slowly munching on my food when this elderly couple came in and was walking towards a table right across me. They must have been in their late 70s or 80s. The old lady is bent over probably due to multiple sclerosis. One can see that she's having a tough time trying to get to their table. Beside him is the elderly gentleman. I say gentleman because that's how he came across to me. He held her other hand as she inched slowly towards the table and pulled the chair for her so she can take her seat. She smiled as she sat down. He waited on her side and asked her what she wanted. After a brief exchange with her, he gave her a kiss in the cheek and proceeded to the buffett to gather her food for her.

One can see that he too is having trouble walking but he went to the buffet table to get their food. The waitress offered to help but he declined with a smile that showed he's got things covered. He sat down across the old lady to enjoy their food. They smiled at each other and you can see a twinkle on their eyes when they talk. Like there's not a care in the world.

It was like two eyes, two minds, two hearts beating as one at that one moment. He smiled, she blushed. The world around them began to notice. And they didn't mind at all.

I'm reminded of how fragile life is and how it should it be enjoyed.

Peanut Butter and Guava Jelly Sandwich

I never noticed this but I have been consuming peanut butter and guava jelly sandwiches for breakfast for quite some time now except over the weekends. It doesn't bother me but it does feel kinda funny knowing that it has been a constant staple in my morning ritual and have just noticed it today. Maybe it's because I needed something to write on my blog.

I always start my day with a big cup of hot black coffee. Ocassionally, I'd throw in a sugar packet or two but oftentimes, it stays black and sugar free. It's an acquired taste though I'm not alone in that preference. After getting my coffee from the breakroom, I would proceed to my cube to enjoy it together with my sandwich.

Considering I come in really early in the morning, the quiteness of the environment is a welcome treat knowing that in a couple of hours, this serenity will be broken. But I do get to brew myself a fresh pot of coffee to enjoy every morning. Sometimes, someone else beats me to that but I don't complain. It's still coffee.

I prefer decaf or what others call 'unleaded'. I used to take the leaded type but I noticed that it makes me jittery for the rest of the morning. Ever since I switched, I don't get as jumpy as before. Actually, I don't get jumpy anymore. Unless I get called to the head honcho's office.

With all that said, I'd rather really want to start my day with a can of ice cold Diet Coke. I need to feel alive in the early morning and as Coke once advertised.. "Coke Adds Life".

Fitness

I enjoy doing some physical activity every afternoon. I guess it is my way of relieving myself of stress at the end of the day. I tried the morning thing but it just wont do. My body is so attuned to the fact that upon waking up, you need to take things slowly until you start perking. Maybe one day I can change that. But for now, I think I'm going to stay with the afternoons. It's more relaxing to watch a tv after taking a warm shower after a nice workout.

Fitness reflects ones ability to perform any physical activity. You don't have to be thin to be fit. It's subjective. Look at all those football players. They're huge but 75% of them are fit. And they have the stamina to boost too. And you can see thin people that practically can do nothing.

I exercise because I enjoy it. I spend time to work the cardio machines for at least 45 minutes then hit the weights for at least a good 10 minutes. nothing fancy. I dont want to bulk up. I just want to have some toned muscles. And I love to play ball games whenever I have the chance. Soccer and volleyball are on top of my list with basketball following next. After that, its a free for all.

I want to have a fit body. Have you even seen a statue of an olympus god? Yup, that sculpted body is one a lot of people would want to have. I do have a body of a god.

Unfortunately it's Buddha's.

Hot Tubs...

Coming home from work yesterday, I passed by the pool and saw that no one was out there. The weather was nice and I felt that such a nice day shouldn't be wasted inside the house. So I changed to something more appropriate and headed off to the pool. Since there was no one in the hot tub, I decided to just jump in after turning the bubbles on. The timer is set for 15 minutes and I think that was ample time to just laze around and enjoy the warm water relaxing your muscles.

After the bubbles subsided, I went back home and took a good shower and prepare for the night. I don't know if I was too relaxed or something but my body just felt too tired that right after dinner, I was half-asleep in the sofa struggling to understand what was going on in the tv show that I was supposedly watching. I think I may even have dozed off a couple of times too. But I'll take that anytime. As long as I'm not driving.

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed. Now, I am not sure if this was the result from the hot tub immersion or just because it is Thursday and the weekend is just a couple of days away. One thing for sure, I'm glad I'm still alive.

Life is too short to waste on nothing.

The Tai-Chi Tape

So there I was in front of the tv last night wondering what to watch. There were a bunch of good shows last night but what caught my attention was the still unopened tai-chi dvd lying near the tv. I think I got that late part of december last year in the hopes of learning the basic moves. My mind deliberates. Do I play the dvd and follow or should I just do some finger calisthenics flipping from cannel to channel? I guess you can say my lazy bones won. I ended up flipping through all the channels occasionally stopping at a show to watch and then continue with the surfing.

With so many channels on the television nowadays, I'm not even sure if anyone out there has the ability to sit through just one channel. I know I can do that if I'm really into a show but then I'd be flipping them during commercials. The sad part is that if I see another one I want to see, I'd end up in that channel until commercial break and then flip back to the previous one that I was really into. Oh well.. life is too short to decide on which show is better.

One day, I know I can get my body and mind to agree that we need to watch and follow what's on that tai chi tape. In the first place, that's why I bought it. In the meantime, I think I'll enjoy the channel surfing while I can. I know it wont be long before I'd get up and do those fluid movements in tai chi.